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[25 May 2007|03:23am] |
buti pa siya. gahd. buti pa siya. :-)
now i remember why... :-) gahd, namiss ko toh. :-) too bad you weren't able to see. i guess next time?
oh boi. its happening all over again. ahehe.
... i'll stop the world and melt with you. ohohohoh
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| welcome back? |
[21 Feb 2007|11:03pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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i'm yours- jason mraz |
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oh man
got internet in prince for the first time in ages
downloaded songs.. a lot of songs ;-)
give me more?
hee, got excited about it. haha.
ash wednesday today! ash just disappeared after a few hours or so
owel, practice tomorrow :-)
Goodluck to all of us
its still so freakin' hot (31 degrees daw?)
Goodnight :-)
.... An extra *I love you and a kiss for you tonight vic! :-)
Goodnight again :-D
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| christmas preparations at the caldoza's |
[24 Dec 2006|12:59pm] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
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For the past few days after school, i was planning to finally go home to my parents so that i could spend the days before christmas with them. But that hasn't been exactly happening. Hrm, and i don't know if i should feel bad about it or not. Every year i would find Christmas really boring and just not as exciting as other people describe it. I never saw the thrill of it since i just spent it at home, usually by myself since everyone was busy with everything and my only sibling was always out. I would just watch tv while everyone was preparing. I never had those times when we would wrap gifts together or something.. we would have cook-offs, which i found pretty fun. Haha. We would wake up early to cook the turkey and everyone would pitch in with the stuffing, gravy, sewing the butt of the turkey and chopping the stuff for the stuffing. That was the time when my brother wouldn't be too busy with all of his shit and he still had time to spend christmas preparations with us (halata bang bitter? haha). Anyway, things were different this year. Instead of going home right away when classes ended, I chose to continue sleeping at my lola's. Medyo nagtampo nga yung dad ko eh. After my tita's party, i told him that i was staying behind then he goes, "ilang oras ka lang nasa bahay ayaw mo na.." Tangina. i just felt like the worst daughter after hearing that. Hay. But i had good reasons to stay behind, i had to buy gifts and if i went home, my dad would be hassled coz he would have to drive me back to the traffic and shit. So i was thinking of their best concerns too? Hay. Anyway, we went shopping yesterday and i still didn't find the stupid gift. Err. It was out of stock yet again and I can't complete my "big-time" gift. Haha. I haven't even wrapped anything yet. Great! anyway.... moving spending Christmas preparations with my cousins..... It is absolutely fun! Though we just keep on talking with each other about non-sense and we got ourselves excited for chrsitmas over really babaw reasons. And the fact that we're just together, enjoying each others company, and being kids, i guess thats what makes me feel extra happy here. I have people to spend it with. People that i share the same vibe with. Hay, i love my cousins! They make me excited for Christmas. Hay. They're just the best. Age gap is never a problem. We're just being mature (?) kids and its just the best. :-)
But i still can't hide the fact that i'm really guilty for leaving my family behind this year. Although i'm still with my second family, i guess my first family needs my presence too at least in the house during this time. Hay. I'M REALLY GOING HOME LATER, I PROMISE :-)
i'm sorry dad, mom, and gian if i keep on leaving you guys, you can't blame me. You really can't.
One more thing... This place is just easily accesible by everyone i love :-)
".. Close my eyes.. Let the whole thing pass me by.. There is no time to waste.. Asking why.. "
Head Over Feet-Alanis Morissette
I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
(chorus)
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is think and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
(repeat chorus)
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
(repeat chorus)
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[08 Nov 2006|08:23pm] |
"Sa ngayon wala munang rules.. para pwde kitang mahalin kahit isang araw lang.. "
" I wanna love you.. and treat you right.. "
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[07 Nov 2006|09:28pm] |
i'll run away with you, by my side ;-)
there are a million words but not one can describe the thoughts going around my head right now.
Don't go away.
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| thanks |
[07 Nov 2006|09:23pm] |
i hate the fact that my parents are starting not to trust me again. it just sucks sometimes. first of, you come to think if they ever trusted you in the first place. just because it looks like that, its the way things are. No pare. i know values, principles, and shit like that and i am responsible when it comes to things like these. i'm older now than before. i'm not a baby anymore. i know what and what not to do. you left me on my own and so i'm learning to be independent and responsible on my own. on my freaking own. this is the only thing i have and if you're taking it away from me its just unfair. its the only thing thats making me sane. with all i've been through these past couple of months (which you really have no idea of), you have no idea how much i need this. i need this more than you guys sometimes. i just hope you understand that this is the only thing keeping me together. not school, not friends, not basketball, just this, or us. when i was having problems in basketball, were you the one i cried to? hell no. coz it wouldn't help me. coz you weren't there in the first place to help me. i was too far from you guys to seek help. i'm always too far away, there's nothing new about that. and it doesn't involve location, its about me distancing myself, always distancing because i never felt trully comfortable. the moments that i started feeling comfortable, you guys started to gang up on me already. so how the hell will i open up to you guys? how would you know the real ME? i know it may not always be the right thing to do but all you need is tell me and i'll listen, i swear i'll listen and change things. i'm not deaf, nor blind, nor stupid. i know how to follow. you don't have to go all scary and shit to me. you don't have to tell and gossip it to everyone else either. you really don't. it makes me feel like i'm a kid again, which i'm not. i'm grownup aren't i? like what you always tell me.
i just hope you trust me more.
i know what to do
you don't need to tell me twice, or thrice
now i don't want to go home again, goodjob.
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[03 Nov 2006|01:15am] |
i wanna let everything out but i can't
there should be more hours! 24 hours a day just isn't enough
dangit, i can't sit still and i can't do anything about it because everyones asleep already
2 days gone, great. the more i can't sit still
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[03 Nov 2006|12:47am] |
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tumalon ka nga, buti nalang. :)
i just love our little world and i hope it'll stay like this for a while.
i can handle it.
as long as we're happy.
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[19 Oct 2006|11:57am] |
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Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go let go let go let go of this pride
I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind
Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go let go let go let go of this pride
Do I expect to change
The past I hold inside
With all the words I say
Repeating over in my mind
Some things you can't erase
No matter how hard you try
An exit to escape
Is all there is left to find
Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go let go let go let go of this pride
Until this echo echo echo echo in my mind
Until this echo echo echo echo can subside
I know I always loved you
I know I always loved you
I know I always loved you
So I close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go let go let go let go of this pride
Until this echo echo echo echo in my mind
Until this echo echo echo echo can subside |
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[18 Oct 2006|08:28pm] |
could you whisper in my ear
The things you wanna feel
I'll give you anything
To feel it comin'
Do you wake up on your own
And wonder where you are
You live with all your faults
Chorus:
I wanna wake up where you are
I won't say anything at all
So why don't you slide
Yeah we're gonna let it, slide
Don't you love the life you killed
The priest is on the phone
Your father hit the wall
Your ma disowned you
Don't suppose I'll ever know
What it means to be a man
Something I can't change
I'll live around it
Chorus
And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
May put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May do you wanna get married
Or run away
And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
May put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May do you wanna get married
Or run away
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[18 Oct 2006|12:07pm] |
listening to music can really be relaxing
it makes you forget that you have to study for your finals tomorrow
i hope the world could have a big stereo that could play music 24/7, it'll be music that everyone could hear
but the difference is that the music we hear is the type of music that could match to our certain mood
everyone would hear different kinds of music according to their preferences
its crazy, i know
i didn't say it would be something possible or logical
just like our little world?
yeah, right.
its been a time since i wrote here. i miss letting everything out just like what i used to do before. hehe. sometimes being repressed is a good thing. most of the time its not. this sort of thing is meant to be repressed. You and me against the world, no turning back. i just really hope this isn't temporary. i just really hope that its not just me. so far, everything is great. great great great. i wouldn't like to change any part of it.
Escape may not be the perfect word to describe it but its certainly what i feel when i'm with you. Who cares if the word sounds good or bad? Haha. Hay, just a little more time ;)
B-E-A-M MEANS SMILE!
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[03 Oct 2006|07:09pm] |
i just had to write about this even though i'm really busy.
During the last philippine idol, my brother dedicated the song Himala by Rivermaya for me. I really didn't know he would do that because it was a surprise. I thought he only dedicated the song because it was rock and i dont know, he would think it was my type of music but nooo. haha. My brother can be really sweet sometimes. It started of with the video thing and there he said that he had a lot of hopes for me. It was the line "pangarap ko'y sumasayaw ka kasama ang mga buwan". Then he said that it was just us that could bring up our family since our parents are getting old na. He knows that i have a lot of dreams and he believes that i could fulfill all of them because like him, i would do anything to reach them. this part really hit me for some weird reason because my brother believes that i have a drive or direction in life but in truth, it only seems like that sometimes. i really want to have direction in my life but most of the time, i don't know where to go. i don't know what i want to be or what i want to do for the rest of my life. it hit me and made me realize that it was time to do something with my life aside from depending on my parents all the time. That was the only time that i saw and heard that my brother really believed in me. grabe, for a moment, i really wanted to cry and break down. it was the first time i heard all those tas it was on tv pa! grabe. Also, when i had the interview thing, the directors there also said that my brother always talked about me. He always said that he was doing everything for me so that he could use it for my future or whatever. It was me he always thought of while singing and huwaw overwhelmed. it was only now that i realized how much my brother rreally does care for me. not just care but how much he loves me and how he really thinks of my future. he's like my second dad since he always gives me money and stuff. hehe. Gahd, i love my brother. huaw.
its funny the philippine idol was the bridge to all this. now i found my drive ;)
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[24 Aug 2006|07:58pm] |
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its funny how homesick i'm really getting nowadays. i always want to go home and just relax and be bored at home for once. haha. i never thought that i would be saying "i miss my parents, i miss staying home". gahd! dati talaga, nung highschool pa, i would do anything just to get out of the house. i would be so freaking happy if i would sleep over a friends house or even extend trips or overnights. i wouldn't really care about not going home right away because i would really really love to stay with my friends more than my family. shet. i guess my perspective really changed now. i super miss my parents. i miss just being beside them and doing nothing. haha. its really funny that i'm saying this, i swear, if you know me, i'm really not the type. haha. i just realized how much i love my mom and my dad. especially my mom. i realized how much she loves me and how much i love her. super. lately she's been really trying to be there for me. last last friday my parents picked me up from school so that i could go home for the weekend. that was the time when i felt really depressed and i couldn't help but cry whenever i would think about it and for some weird reason, my mom sensed it. i was sitting down then she asked how i was and stuff. i didn't tell her anything, i told her everything was okay and i just wanted to go home. i sort of got teary eyed coz i remembered the thing again tas she super hugged me. as in HUGGED ME! the tighter she hugged me the more i cried. not because of the problem i had but because it was the first time she hugged me. as in hugged me like that. my mom never hugged me to comfort me or whatever. she never comforted me like that because i never gave her the chance. pero puta, i felt so fucking good after that moment. she was telling me that she could sense that i felt bad and i should tell her more so that she'll know and could help her out. i super wanted to tell her what was bothering me but i couldn't. it was too much to tell. it was too embarrassing for me, thats what i thought. i don't know how it could be embarrassing but i guess i never want my parents to see that i can be weak. i never want them to see me failing or not being good in something. it makes me feel small and ewan, thats just how i am i guess. so we were there in tiendesitas, hugging in the middle of the eating place, and i was crying like fucking hell and i didn't care if people saw me. it was such a cheesy moment but i didn't fucking cared. i felt that i loved my mom and i felt that she loved me too. it was the sort of thing i was looking for since i was a kid. i was always wondering if my mom really loved me because somehow, i never felt it. but finally, i did. Thank God for that moment. Hay. it made me feel so much better. Hay. i guess its one of the purposes of living in katipunan. Jess wanted me to see the love coming from my family, the love that was always there but i just refused to see it.
midterms and exams coming up. starting to feel hell week. haha. but its not there yet. oh boi. aral time! hahaha. i can do this ;) turn on your after burners!!
VIC- thanks for being such a daddy. thanks for reminding me to control my emotions. you're the only one that had the sensitivity to notice that. thanks vic. thanks for giving me that lecture. hehe. thanks for reminding me to eat. hay. thanks thanks thanks thanks! what will i do without you ;)
will you still love me in the morning? ............................... forever and ever babe ;)
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[13 Aug 2006|03:05pm] |
"Family comes first"
click killed me last night
couldn't help but cry
first time my mom hugged me the other day. as in REALLY hugged me to comfort me and stuff. i was feeling really bad because of something and i couldn't stop my tears from falling. she noticed that i was teary eyed so she hugged me and told me what was wrong. i super wanted to tell her but i couldn't coz i would feel ashamed of it or something. gahd, but her hug felt like the sweetest thing ever. its really different when you feel this sort of warmth from your mother. gahd, it made me miss her more. this is actually the first time i miss my mom. it just made me want to go home forever and not sleep over in prince or something. i'm fucking homesick and i reall can't help it sometimes. i fucking miss my bed. i fucking miss my home-cooked meals. i miss my parents.i miss watching tv. i miss the smell and aura of my house. i miss my maids. i miss my bathroom. i miss everything. gahd. and to think this is only starting. shit. living in katipunan can be fun but i realized that the feeling doesn't last. gahd. i just want to go home to a famiy again. Maggie's homesick :-(
oh its the first time i blogged after a really long time! wuppee!
ohhh! MY BROTHER GOT IN PHILIPPINE IDOL SO YOU GUYS BETTER VOTE FOR HIM WHEN ITS NEEDED ALREADY. HEHE. OKAY? FULL SUPPORT FOR MY BROTHER! YEY :-)
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[27 Jul 2006|07:14pm] |
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I find it really cool that the less time we spend with each other, the more sweet we become. Its weird but I guess you just learn to make the most out of the time we have. Hay. 8 years baby and everything will be forever =p
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[10 Jul 2006|09:10pm] |
sometimes you just can't help but miss those times. even though they're over and done with it, you just can't help but think about them. even though it was a painful one, if you read it again, you end up smiling and somehow getting kilig. gahd, it can be so weird. it happens all the time. like when i look my "secret" box at home and read some letters or something, i still smile. i still remember the good things and just forget about the bad things that happened. i guess it really is true that you tend to forget all the bad things because what stays with you are the good ones. ho-humm. i suddenly missed it.
on the other hand, you have to go back to reality and remember whats happening now, what matters now, and who's now. Then you start feeling guilty, sort of, or not. but the present just comes back and slaps you in the face. welcome back! but then again, nothings wrong with the present. nothing is wrong again. nothing is wrong. everything is in fact, perfect. perfect for me. perfect for you. just perfect. i hope it stays like that forever and for some weird funky reason, i know it will :)
i'm sorry that i'm having emo moments again. sometimes you just can't help it. ho-humm.
Stop it Maggie. You know whats the right thing to do.
"if you follow the sunset, will it ever end?"
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| hello again my friend ;) |
[01 Jul 2006|07:06pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
its been ages since i wrote here. i missed telling stories about my everyday happenings. i used to really update here every night just to make kwento how bored i was in school. oooh, those were the days ;) haha. anyway, i'll make kwento about my past weeks or whatever nalang. i miss this! i miss my lj ;)
- First two weeks in ateneo is wuh!! who knew i would really be studying here? haha it felt so official when i got my id last thursday or friday, i think. i finally have an ateneo id! its the coolest thing! hahaha. :)
- I already have a hang-out place! (actually last summer pa. hahaha) Berch bench is pretty cool. although i'm usually the only girl there, its pretty fun just hanging out with tfc's! i love raymonds friends. they're just the coolest! they treat me as one of their own! hahaha. they end up calling me "pre" or "brad" now. its just weird sometimes. haha.
- getting de-blocked at first wasn't fun but now its okay. although i have different classmates for each class, i get to know more people that way. haha. luckily, i'm with kurt in english. wuhoo! i love my english class! they're so fun! haha.
- all subjects are pretty okay. english, pinoy, and math are the best! ES is just the most boring thing on earth. i hope i had more friends there :( hahaha. i sound like a loser. hahaha.
- for the past two weeks, i've been staying in school way way way after my classes! we end up just hanging out till evening and its just so cool that everyones still so relaxed and shit. and since i just live in prince, i can stay as long as i want! haha. i just find it so cool that you can just go out right after class without getting hassled with asking permission and shit. haha.
- we had a team building in tagaytay last weekend and after that, practice has been fun. the shoutings and sermons are still there but you know you realy have support this time. hmm, basketball is fun. :) i grew to love and appreciate my teammates. yey! i have cool and talented teammates :)
- we had a game against la salle and lyceum this week. we won against la salle and lost against lyceum. played well in both games, finally! hahaha. didn't get any sermon shit. hahaha. thank God! :)
- i missed seeing coachie :( i miss AC! i miss sila cara, maxine, sarah, sophie,........ etc. wanna visit them one time :(
- budda and dea left :(
- raymond brought me lunch the other day and we had the same baon. aw, we were just so cute. hahaha. i love raymond :)
- cheer rally last friday! it was so freaking cool that i was finally part of it. we ran across the blue eagle court and wow, what a fulfillment and a dream come true. i will finally have the chance to defend the ateneo name. wow. i will represent ateneo. wow. its just so cool and and its such a privilage. wow. dream come true indeed :)
- ohh! raymond and i met a good samaritan in the parking lot in eastwood! haha. he gave us parking and he was just the cutest thing. hahaha. he was running and pointing the free parking space pa. hahaha. he's so cute. haha.
basically whats been happening is school, basketball, and raymond. hahaha. syempre may raymond dba? hahaha :)
i have nothing more to say. hmmm, till next time then ;)
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| i hate hong kong |
[11 Jun 2006|02:34pm] |
i officially hate hong kong now because someone is on vacation there and i miss him :-( dangit, i hope i went with you nalang. hrm, asa pa! haha.
Anyway, school is very fast approaching and i'm really excited for everything to start. orsem starts next tuesday and we have the privelage of being late. wuhoo, pa-star talaga kami. haha. its time to buy school supplies again and buy school clothes. oh, we're moving in prince next week already. i sort of don't want to move there because i don't know, i'm scared. haha. i'm scared that i'll be too tired to eat. or too tired to fix my clothes or something. shit, i'm really scared to move there now. shit. shit. shit. haha. somethings wrong with me. haha.
i know i might be exaggerating but i swear, you have to go home sooon. i feel like i'm getting used to not seeing you and i think that feeling sucks. Err! i hate this. i can't express myself. Err. go home now, please? I hate hong kong.
I feel stupid. i don't know how to express the things i really feel. Errrrr.
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[04 Jun 2006|06:51pm] |
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oh happy 3?
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| nice to see old friends :) |
[04 Jun 2006|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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Just my imagination |
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I got to see friends today! Wuhhoooo! I saw cariaso, carla, kai, cielo, kukay, michiko, and lia today thanks to kukays video-taping for her debut! Haha. We went to Butterfly Pavillion to take pictures and get video taped. It was pretty cute. Haha. We had to think of a song that could represent ourselves in kukays life. I thought of "Just my Imagination" because i think kukay will remember me as her friend with the most imagination. Haha. I'm the one with the crazy thoughts and out of the blue comments. Haha. Funny. We took pictures pa with the trees and stuff and it was just fun :-)
I was super happy to see lia that day! It was my first time to see her the whole summer since april i think when i saw her in greenbelt. I swear to God, i missed her so much! haha. Usually, lia and i would be together everyday the whole summer. We would just hang-out in marcelo and do nothing but talk. Hay, i missed lia! Hahaha. Sayang talaga yung summer. We didn't get to go out :( Hmm, anyway, i rode home with her and we got to talk for a while. i was suppose to go to her house but my brother couldn't pick me up. shame shame! Anyway, despite seeing her only today, she's now updated :) hihihihihi. only lia! Hahaha.
Everyones hooked up with college now. All they talk about is how fun it is and how cool or how funny and jologs their blockmates are. Hay. Can't wait to get to school ;) I got my orsem letter today! Wuhh! hahaha.
Hmm, friday was a pretty fun day! After training, raymond and i just went to his house and watched over there. I really didn't like it that much because it was full of war things so i just played with his psp the whole time. It was funny that we were doing different things at the same time but we were still together. It felt like.. hmm.. basta. it felt like we were married or something because thats what married couples do when theyre at home right? theyre in the same bed and talk together but the husband watches tv while the wife is just reading a book. haha. our scenario last friday was sort of like that too. haha. wala lang, i just found it funny ;-) anyway, i just loved that day. It was something new :-)
yesterday was a different story. Although we didn't talk, texting that way was still pretty fun :-) hmm, basta, it was just a fun and sweet day yesterday. Hmm, i love :-)
My dad and i sort of had a bonding session yesterday when we went to my brothers event. Haha. we watched a magic show for like 30 minutes then we spent around an hour in starbucks just staring at each other. haha. we were just drinking our coffees and shit and doing nothing. i know we weren't bonding or something but i guess we were sort of spending time with each other. haha. labo. few times that i'll have time for my family. :(
oooooohhhhh! My tita is going to give me allowance forever?!!? OH YES! and mommy doesn't know about this. OH YES! hahahaha =)
Oh shit, this entry is so screwed up. Haha. Sorry for the multiple paragraphs that don't even have a connection. hahahaha. i just have a lot of random thoughts and uh, i dont need to organize everything right now. haha. anyway, just read on =)
goodluck to raymond for his basketball championship game today :)
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOBOY =)
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